Hello…

Hello?  It’s me.  (Thank you, Lionel & Adele.) Oh my goodness.  The last 8 months have…well…been full.  Here is a snapshot from today…this might explain some of what I’ve been up to.

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Morning sickness killed July/August…getting into the routine of Kindergarten & school life kicked us in the rear the next couple months…then just trying to keep up with the routine of work/school/life…something had to “fall off the beam”.  Blog? No. I can’t even compute that right now.

But, I’ve been mulling over some things & needed an outlet to express them.  So. Hello.  It’s me.  Typing away in my minuscule corner of the world wide web…

This pregnancy has not been easy.  Yes, I’m in better shape than I was with Zane & Alice.  Yes, once the all.day.morning.sickness started to subside…I felt pretty good.  Tired, but good.  So it hasn’t been so much the physical, as the mental.  The mental…

Two healthy, amazing kids…then two heart-breaking miscarriages.  When I did get pregnant again, I wasn’t expecting it.  I had put that part of my heart up on the shelf.  But, there I was.  Staring at the test.  Not wanting to tell anyone.  Mad.  Yep, mad, because I didn’t want to go through another miscarriage.  I was tired.  I had “given it to God” & was ready to embrace the season we were in.  The season of healing, & of living in the moment.

Here’s the deal – getting pregnant after a miscarriage is scary.  Getting pregnant after multiple miscarriages is scary.  It’s hard on your heart.  I had a hard time connecting with this sweet baby, because I didn’t want it to hurt as bad if the Lord decided to take him/her away.  And then.  Then I felt guilty.  Guilty, because I had sweet friends who were praying, yearning, for a baby.  Yearning to get pregnant.  And I felt ungrateful.  I was scared.

I’m going to be seriously transparent with you & say…I still am.  I’m 38 weeks pregnant & I’m still struggling with anxiety.  I’ve had a hard time preparing for this sweet one because “what if?”…”Lord, what if you take this one away, too? What if something goes wrong?” It’s a daily battle.  BATTLE.

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Dueteronomy 31:8 

{TRUTH.}

Let’s be real.  We can all “put on the happy face” & act like “we got this”.  But sometimes.  Sometimes life sucks.  Life is hard.  If you are in the waiting, or going through the valley, or scared, or are just having to deal with the crap of life…You are NOT alone.  I think that is what the Lord has been teaching me the most through this.  We all have “something”.  We can go to our shiny churches, chat with our shiny friends, recite the shiny verses from our shiny Bibles, fill our minute, feeble brains with all the shiny knowledge we can…and try to keep control & keep our lives as shiny as possible…BUT. Life is messy.  Life is dirty.  We need each other.  We need the REAL each other.  Not the shiny versions with all the right answers.  It took me a long time to be ready to talk about the miscarriages…& it is still scary to lay it all out & say I’m still anxious.  (Because that’s not shiny.) And, I don’t think that will ever completely go away.

Please know, you’re not alone.  It’s ok to not be ok.  It’s ok to ask questions.  He created us with emotions.  He created us to feel.  It’s what we do with those emotions & feelings that matter.  Those emotions and feelings need listened to, & then they need Truth spoken over them.  Truth of Who He Is.  Truth of Who He Will Be.  Truth of what He promises.  He’s not just a God you study, & get a shiny degree on.  He’s a God who cares so deeply for you that He sent His only Son to die the most gruesome death for you, to pay the highest price for you, but who didn’t stop there.  He rose again.  He’s a LIVING God.  He’s THE LIVING GOD.  He’s THE LIVING GOD who LOVES you so much that He will stop at nothing to make sure that Life with Him is available to you! We are His Sons & Daughters.

So even when you or I feel alone, feel scared, feel anxious, feel betrayed, feel mad, feel broken.  Truth trumps all.  It’s good to feel.  But, let’s make sure we cover those feelings in Truth.  Because “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12).

Someone in authority said something to me after our first miscarriage that made me mad.  He was trying to be comforting but it came out as, “Well, maybe God is making you go through this so you can help others.”  I get what he was trying to say.  But, I don’t believe God orchestrates evil things to happen to us.  We are not tools in His tool shed or chess pieces on His chess board.  Remember, we are His sons & daughters.  Wouldn’t it break your heart to see your son or daughter broken?  Aren’t we created in His image?  Then I know He feels our brokenness.  And I KNOW He will redeem the brokenness if we let Him.  He spoke through Joseph in Genesis, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” (Genesis 50:20).  He sees.  He will redeem. ❤

Diaper talk…

{Be Advised: The title of this post does not lie.  This post is 100% about…diapers.  Consider yourself warned…}

I know this will sound odd to some {or maybe to all}, but I love our diapers.  I do.  I admit it.

I love them because:

1 – They save us money!  $$

2 – They look so cute on Z’s little baby bum.

3 – They save us money! $$

4 – Oh, & they probably help out the planet too.

Now on to the diapers.  I realize these may not be for everyone.  But for us they work great, so I thought I’d pass on the info!

We use the Flip Diapers, & we flippin’ love them! {sorry just had to…}.  A pack comes with 2 covers & 6 cloth inserts.  Which is awesome because unlike All-In-One cloth diapers (where you stuff the insert), these covers can be used again if not dirty – you just have to change the cloth insert! So handy.

The covers come in a variety of colors & have great snaps.

I did A LOT of research before biting the cloth diaper bullet…& I mean A LOT.  I wanted to be sure we were making the right decision because cloth diapers are an investment.  We want them to last a long time, so we wanted to know we were purchasing quality diapers.  One thing I love about these is that you can get One Size, which means the diaper will “grow” with your babe, depending on how it’s snapped/unsnapped, & how the insert is folded.

 

The price of these babies is very reasonable compared to other cloth diaper systems {I’m talking new, not consignment – which is AWESOME if you are able to score some on sale or consigned!}  A pack {2 covers & 6 inserts} runs between $50-60, depending on what kind of insert (stay-dry or organic) you decide to get.

We purchased 3 packs, & I usually wash diapers every other day.  Trust me, it sounds worse than it is.  Especially since I feel like I am doing the little man’s laundry all the time, diapers or not.  {How do little people go through so much laundry?  It’s amazing, really.} Anyway, all that to say, don’t let the washing scare you away.  It’s really easy & becomes just like second nature after a while.  And I love that I never have to worry about having to run to the store for diapers!

Our diaper system looks something like this:

 

I also love that you can purchase disposable inserts for your Flips.  Which has come in very handy on road trips, where you don’t want to have to worry about diaper laundry.

I would also like to add that the other night we had to use one of our “back-up” diapers {because all our Flips were in the wash} & it was the first night since we’ve started using cloth diapers that Z woke up sopping wet because his diaper ‘sprung-a-leak’.  Can I just say that being woken up in the middle of the night because of a leaky diaper is very UNCOOL, absolutely no bueno, & makes for a crabby mama.  So, needless to say, we do not recommend our “back-up” diapers {Rump-A-Rooz} as a good choice when it comes to cloth diapers.

If you have a baby & are interested in biting the cloth-diaper-bullet, I HIGHLY recommend Cotton Babies.  They are a FABULOUS company.  We ordered all our Flips through them.  They sell other quality cloth diapers, as well, & are VERY informative! 🙂

http://www.cottonbabies.com/

 

Happy Diapering!

 

6 Months Ago Today…

Six months ago, we welcomed this little {cutie, patootie, seriously awesome} boy into our lives.  He has seriously rocked our world.

{zane 10 days old}
{zane 10 days old}

I am so thankful for our little love bug.  He has taught us so much already & God has used him to draw us closer to Himself.  It is so amazing how someone so tiny can turn your world upside down.

[Note: I do not claim to be a photographer.]

{z is 6 months old today!}
{we L.O.V.E. to jump!}

 

Happy 6 Months Z!  We love you to pieces & are so {seriously} blessed to be your parents!!

Z’s Room

{Original post date:  10/12/10}

I had (was practically forced) to take some pics of Z in his room today, because he was sitting up like such a big boy in the rocking chair.  I’m sad to say, I think I’m turning into “that” mom.  Ugh.  But, he’s just so darn cute (in my humble not-at-all biased opinion)! 🙂

So here is Z in his current room (rocking out in the rocking chair…ha!) :

Zane just up from his nap.

He enjoys a good nap, just like his mama! (His legs are blurry because he was kicking them, his legs are rarely still when he is awake…)

He’s getting so big…3 months on Friday.

Ok, I’m done with the shameless baby photos.  🙂

 

Finally!

{Original post date: 10/11/10}

An update.  Friends have been asking…so here you go!  We are finally feeling settled in SW Nebraska.  We are loving it out here.  It is crazy to be back in my home town, after not living here for 8 years.  I’m finding out some things do change, while others are definitely still the same.  Oh, the small town life.  🙂

We are renting a little apt from my folks.  It is attached to their house.  When I was in High School we (my mom, dad, bro & I) actually lived in it for about a year.  The part that is now where my mom & dad live was actually the garage/shop.  & the whole building was actually a pig barn to begin with (before my parents remodeled it). Ca-Ray-Zee.  I know.  Here are some pictures of our new space:

During the “project”

After

Our current little home.

View from front door.  The door to the left is our bedroom, to the right is Zane’s room.

View of kitchen/dining.  The closet to the left is where the laundry is, the grey door to the right leads to the house.
Kitchen/dining.  The door to the right is the bathroom.  The stove is my favorite. 🙂
View from kitchen of living area.  Dining & living furniture is the parents, most of our furniture is in storage right now.

My little sewing/creating corner. 🙂  (Don’t worry Oscar, has his guitars scattered about as well, & gets to play my mom’s electric drum set whenever he wants. (Yes, my mom plays the drums!) We’ve discovered Z is a fan of the drums as well, which makes his daddy very happy!) 🙂

So there ya go!  It’s small, but it’s good.  🙂 We are liking the simpler side of things.  It’s been a crazy year going from a 4 bedroom 2 bath home, to a 2 bedroom 1 bath condo, to a 2 bedroom 1 bath (600sqft) apt. 🙂  Downsizing is so good.  You don’t realize how much stuff you accumulate until it’s time to move!  We had way too much junk, too much clutter.

Anyway, I hope to share some pics of my parent’s house soon.  They did a great job on it – despite having a super slow contractor & despite having to do a lot of the finishing work themselves.  Oscar & I even got to help on some of the finishing work, which was a lot fun.  🙂 So nice of them to let us practice on them!

Where to begin?

{Original post date: 8/9/10}

Wow…it has been a LONG while. I want to be better at this blogging business…& maybe I will, someday! 🙂 We have had a very busy year so far…here is a quick summary:

In November, we found out we were having a baby!!! In February, we found out it was a BOY!!!

On April 1st we sold our house. (After 3 days on the market & 1 showing!) It was bitter-sweet, since it was our 1st home, but we are excited to see where the Lord leads us next!!

Some maternity pictures we had taken in June…this is where I came face to face with how HUGE I really was…but it was worth it…

On July 15, we welcomed Zane Liam into our family. He has forever changed us. He is almost 4 weeks, & I’m a bit sad, because I don’t know where the last month has went…

Next on our adventure list, is (another) move in 2 weeks. We are leaving Omaha & moving to western Nebraska. So much to think about & do. So bitters-sweet, once again.

And that is the update for now…I have a little man calling for my attention.